the art of letting go

30 weeks + 6 days. Feeling awesome (mostly) and filled with excited anticipation to meet Baby Wiggles somewhere in the next 7 - 11 weeks! WOW! S/he'll be here before we know it!!!!! 

I am now seeing my doctor on a regular basis. Between the gestational diabetes diagnosis and this later-phase of my pregnancy, I'll be at the doctor's office more often than not. Or so it feels that way... I had a good appointment today – everything looks healthy and normal. Other than my fasting glucose levels being higher than UCSD requires (my average is 93 and they want me below 90), I received a lot of positive feedback about my glucose management thus far. As many of you know, I tend to strive for a perfect score... once an over-achiever, always an over-achiever.

In other news, the nursery is coming along – it's actually ready for a real baby! I find myself spending more and more time in there trying to imagine what it will be like when Wiggles is snuggled up in his/her own crib. It's really hard to picture any of it in my mind's eye. But I'm not getting too hung up on that. I just simply enjoy spending time in there. In fact, both Scott and I often choose to do our meditation practice in the nursery.

Wiggles Nursery! 

And while it can be a surreal mindf*ck to be pregnant during a viral pandemic, we're handling things in stride. We're relishing in the extra time we have together and focusing most of our energy on prepping for the transition to parenthood – taking classes about childbirth, parenting, infant-care; investing extra time and intention into our romantic relationship; sharing our daydreams about the future; and also sharing our biggest fears about it all too! And while Scott may not entirely agree with this next statement, I truly believe our Mindfulness-Based Childbirth and Parenting Class (and daily meditation practice) equipped us with the right tools and mindset to handle things as gracefully as possible.

Now, it doesn't mean I don't get frustrated and full of self-pity and grief at random (read: hormone-induced) times. No one ever plans to be pregnant during a global pandemic. I am still pissed that we don't get to have a baby shower with our family, friends, and loved ones. I am tired of reading in pregnancy books about the importance of "social connection" and getting together before the baby arrives. And no, VIDEO CHAT IS NOT THE SAME. I recognize that it works for some. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. 

Rant over. 

Because ultimately we are so damn grateful. With depth that is difficult to convey in words, we've yearned to be parents for a long time. And here we are on that journey together... with all of you, too! Sure, it doesn't look like we may have imagined or predicted. But, that's life. All we can do is be present for it. Moment by moment. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

the in-between space

Image
38 weeks + 3 days. Maternity leave has officially begun! And now, we wait. And wait. And likely wait longer than we'd like... Oh, and also over-analyze every single novel twinge of a symptom.  Wiggles pending arrival feels both implausible and imminent – I realize these two experiences are contradictory, but as a modern human being, I've evolved to be comfortable with cognitive dissonance. How else could I navigate in this modern world? So, I'm just riding it out.  Implausible... because, well, is everyone sure that's a baby in my belly? And how on planet earth is it going to get out? Imminent... because Wiggles is clearly running out of space based on the alien-esque movements across my belly and the constant "fanny dagger" jolts every time I move.  In all seriousness, we're both quite calm about the pending birth process. Perhaps it's denial? Or perhaps because we've wanted it for so long? And we've adequately prepared physically, mentally an...
Read more

shots!

Image
35 weeks + 2 days... Wiggles could arrive in less than a month! Or, later than that. Babies come when babies come. Any guesses for how long I'll go?! All in all, we're doing well. We've had some challenges in the last week or so. My fasting levels continued to rise, so I was put on insulin injections before bedtime. Not the end of the world, but also not the funnest bedtime routine. "Hey Scott... ready to inject me again?!" We've adapted to the injection routine already (we're old pros really), but the first injection felt so surreal. Afterwards, I felt like we were stepping back in time to the early days of IVF. I thought we'd put this shit behind us.  Insulin injections are child's play compared to progesterone injections in the ass, so I don't have much to complain about. I'm on a low dose. Insulin doesn't cross the placental barrier. And my fasting/morning glucose levels are lower. Nothing is forever. This too shall pass. I am healt...
Read more

go-grow-go, FaeBae, grow!

Image
My baby is quickly approaching toddlerhood... which in many ways feels impossible. To me, it's like we brought her home from the hospital only yesterday. Time has flown by! Sure, some nights were (read: are) excruciatingly long (I know why sleep deprivation is a form of torture), but overall, it's all happened like THAT (snap fingers).  These last few months have been a total blast. Challenging too – as all parents know too well, raising your first child ain't easy. And hats off to those of you that choose to have more than one. ;-) Farryn has changed exponentially in the last 3 or so months. It's truly miraculous how quickly they go from mewling, dependent newborns to do-it-all-myself, exploring-independence tots. Only a few short months ago, it was a feat of baby strength for Farryn to pull herself up to standing on her toybox. Now, I am lucky if I can get her to stand in front of her toybox for longer than 0.00005 seconds. This kid is on the MOVE.  Cruising all along...
Read more