exploring parenthood

It's been an incredibly heavy week. My heart breaks for so many Americans of the BIPOC community. As I've read, listened, absorbed, reflected, and integrated; I am both enraged and deeply saddened. Racism and classism have always been problematic in this country. But I suppose I fooled myself, from my white, middle-class perspective, into believing we were making progress. Strides in the right direction. But we have let down our fellow Americans and human-beings over and over and over and over and over again. If these protests show anything, I hope it's that we, as a society and a nation, will change for the good. 

I want to be in the crowds of protesters. I support Black Lives Matter 150%. With the exacerbation of the COVID-19 pandemic and technically being in an at-risk category (pregnancy), I'm stuck on the sidelines. But I'm involved. Advocating. Listening. Honking and cheering on protestors from the safety of my car.  Checking my own privileges and assumptions. 

Scott and I are actively discussing how to be an anti-racist family and raise Wiggles as an anti-racist child. My focus at the moment is on parenting and the development of our family unit to advocate for the BIPOC community. I've ordered books for Wiggles and for us. This will be a lifelong endeavor ... and one that we are sincerely committed to. If any of you have any suggestions, resources, or thoughts on this please reach out to us! 

From @mommy_brain on Instagram

It felt really counterintuitive to step into our anniversary weekend in a celebratory fashion. With so much pain and suffering and anger; how were we possibly going to find space for joy and celebrating? During our Mindfulness-Based Childbirth & Parenting Class, we all shared and talked about the contradictory emotional fluctuations of the current protests (and poor government response) coupled with the joy of welcoming a first child. Whiplashing between these extreme emotions from what feels like one second to the next...

But, that's the beauty of mindfulness. We can make space for it all. Attention to the present moment, regardless of what that moment feels or looks like, and allowing it to be. Aware of emotions and feelings. Not resisting what comes up – rather recognizing it, and making space.

So, we did. Scott and I had heated discussions and debates about the future of this country. About the importance of remaining educated, involved, and active... and not letting our current government get away with doing nothing! We got into the nitty, gritty details of raising Wiggles to be anti-racist and why that's so important to our values. 

And we also found room to experience the simple joy of being together. Reflecting back upon 12 years of marriage, we have a lot of history to reminisce upon. We've been incredibly fortunate – in countless ways – but especially for our strong, loving, and trusting partnership. I swear my love for Scott only grows deeper and wider year after year. 

This anniversary celebration felt significant because it's the last one with just the two of us. We'll be welcoming Wiggles in the next 7+ weeks (give or take...) and our family unit of two will grow into three. We've waited a long time for this gift of parenthood and we're so damn excited to discover and journey this adventure together. 

Scott & I in Santa Barbara