the arrival

SPOILER ALERT: Wiggles has arrived! And she's named Farryn Pauline. 

Farryn came into this world via c-section at 7:12 am on my birthday, July 29th. She weighed 7 lbs. 4.4 oz. and measured 19.8 inches long. She is pure perfection.

For those of you following our fertility journey closely, it should come as no surprise that our labor and delivery story unfolded in all the ways we had hoped to avoid. HA! Of course. That's not to say we didn't have an intimate, mindful and life-changing experience; we did. We just hoped things would turn out the old fashioned way... 

From the beginning:

At my NST on Monday (July 27th), Farryn had a minor deceleration in her heart rate. My BP was also borderline high, so my doctor asked us to go to labor and delivery for additional monitoring. Instead of rushing straight to L&D, Scott and I went home, ate a snack, and packed up the hospital bag. For all we knew, it could be our last snack at home before baby...

In triage at L&D, they continued to monitor Farryn and my BP. Want to know how NOT to lower a pregnant lady's BP? Put a cuff on her arm, have it read her BP every 15 minutes, and when it's high, have an alarm go off! I stayed as calm as possible, but man oh man, those alarms were annoying. I get performance anxiety.

Cut to the chase - Farryn had another deceleration in L&D, my BP was "borderline", I was 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant - they wanted me to induce. All my labs for preeclampsia were normal, but with the gestational diabetes and now gestational hypertension, it would be better to go for induction. I spoke to my doctor on the phone and she agreed with the docs in triage. Time to induce!

37 hours

Hours 0 - 4: I wasn't dilated a single centimeter when I was admitted for induction. We kicked things off with a membrane sweep and foley ball. Shortly thereafter, I was given two doses of misoprostol. I am not going to explain the medical technicalities of these various induction methods. If you're curious, google it. Things are relatively smooth during these first couple of hours and we're simply waiting for labor to begin. Taking Monique's advice, we rested and napped.

Hours 5 - 8: Foley ball starts to work! Contractions are intensifying. Coming every 3 to 5 minutes. The contractions themselves aren't too painful. But that F*CKING foley ball with the catheters taped to the inside of my leg make it IMPOSSIBLE to sit down. Not on the yoga ball. Not to squat. Not on the toilet. I labor for about 3.5 hours on my feet with Scott next to me providing support. 

My sweet nurse, who always calls me "mama", comes in every so often to gently tug on the catheter to see if the foley ball is ready to come out. Each time, it's not. Around midnight, my wonderful doctor comes to check on me, and I tell her I need to get off my feet, so she tugs the foley ball out! SWEET. RELIEF. 

Hours 9 - 18: I can sit! I can lay down. Nap time. Dilated 3 cm. Pitocin is started low at hour 14. Minor period cramp like pain; nothing I haven't dealt with before. More nap time! Pitocin is increased every half hour...

Hours 19 - 24: 3 cm dilated. 30% effaced when first checked.... 5 hours later, still only 3 cm dilated, 50% effaced. Doctor encourages breaking my water; we allow for it around hour 25. 

Hours 25 - 29: After the amniotic sac is broken, contractions build slowly and intensify... and within a few hours, SHIT hits the fan. Volunteer doula, Michele, is with us. Scott and I labor in the shower for hours. We have beautiful intimate and tender moments between contractions – deep kisses and constant eye and body contact to help me through the pain. I cycled through amazing nurses who specialize in natural births – they offered a variety of positions to help me labor effectively. 

At hour 26, contractions are less than 2 minutes apart. I am in labor land. I don't remember much. I am simply my breath. After each contraction is over, I mutter: oh sweet Jesus, thank god that fucking contraction is over; sweet divine Jesus, I didn't think they could get more painful... and then they do.

Scott is squeezing my hips. Michele is rubbing my back. Kate, my latest nurse, is making sure the monitors stay placed correctly. Everyone in the room thinks I am close to pushing time... 

Hour 30: Doctor comes in to check me. Still only 5cm dilated, but 80% effaced. GET ME THE F*CKING EPIDURAL NOW! I need to rest. I cannot tolerate these contractions without progression for a single second longer.  

Hour 31: After taking his sweet time, Anesthesiologist strolls in to give me the epidural. Men! When it finally kicks in: SWEET, PURE RELIEF. 

Hour 32: Nurse and Doctor team come barging into the room. Farryn is under stress due to the severity of my contractions. She doesn't like them either. They put an internal pressure monitor inside me to check the intensity of my contractions. They end up turning off the pitocin. Contractions space out to 8 minutes apart. I don't say it, but I know a c-section is coming.

Hour 35: On-call doctor tells me we're likely headed for a c-section. It's not an emergency, but we should  move forward with it now. I'm still only at 5 cm and 80% effaced. Zero progress. Well, I want MY doctor to do the c-section, and she was on-call the previous night, so I want to wait a few hours to rest and have Dr. Mackay perform the surgery. On-call doc isn't too pleased, says she can't guarantee Dr. Mackay will be available. Well I can, I retort. 

Hour 37: Dr. Mackay is on her way. I agree to be prepped for a c-section!

Everything happens so quickly. Scott isn't keen on the c-section; he knew that was something we both wanted to avoid. I had resigned to the inevitability hours ago. And now that Dr. Mackay is coming, I feel safe and confident.

Being wheeled to the OR and throughout the entire operation, I have uncontrollable shakes. Apparently this is normal. I can still feel my feet, so I am kneading my toes – it's a comfort technique for me. One of the nurses wheeling me to OR keeps looking down at my toes with a perplexed look on her face. 

The OR is packed. Michele is with me – she's talking to me, rubbing my arm. Scott isn't allowed to come in until slicing time. Epidural is increased to ensure I won't feel a thing, Anesthesiologist plays calming meditation music on her iPhone for me. Dr. Mackay walks in. Scott is allowed in... and the procedure begins! 

At 7:12am, Dr. Mackay pulls sweet Farryn from my womb. We get to see her behind the clear curtain... and my entire world changes. My whole heart is being held in Dr. Mackay's hands. 

As she's stitching me up, Dr. Mackay says she knows this labor and delivery went nothing like I had hoped... and perhaps I will be able to deliver vaginally for the next one. There won't be a fucking next one, I respond. The entire OR erupts in laughter. I. AM. NOT. KIDDING. 

Farryn had a rough start. She swallowed meconium and needed deep suction twice. Afterwards, Scott was able to cut her cord.

 Thankfully, I didn't have to witness any of that as I was being stitched up on the operating table. But Scott did. And it was extremely tough for him. 

Because of this, Farryn had to spend a few days in the NICU. I don't plan to relive that trauma publicly. All that matters is that she's healthy and well ... and she had the best damn doctors and nurses (oh, the NICU nurses are extraordinary) taking care of her at UCSD.

We're all home together now. And it's pure bliss. Even the tough parts. We've wanted this for so long – we're relishing every moment... including when Farryn is screaming like a pterodactyl for food. She gets hangry like her mama. 

Our hearts are so full. Every time I look down at her sweet face, or watch Scott nuzzling her close, my heart just grows bigger and bigger. A lot like my uterus during pregnancy.